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“And I know guac is extra” the final words to my hefty Chipotle order. The slap of guacamole on to the perfect combination of heaven and eternal sunshine. After the savory dish I didn’t need a pregnancy test because I knew: I was positive for a food baby. A food baby is when the stomach has reached maximum capacity of happiness. All 5 sectors of the food pyramid has been satisfied in your dietary dish in order to conceive successfully. (Chipotle always does the trick) The perfect food baby body should make one’s stomach bloat into a belly similar to your drunk uncle’s.

The best part of a food baby is giving birth. Knowing that the perfect food child has been birthed, is knowing that your rectop is, in fact, working. The brutal truth of food babies is that once born into the world, it is a must, that you flush the food baby down the toilet (I know it may seem barbaric but it is just proper edicate). The process is one that is enjoyable and satisfies the human condition. The food baby experience is solid 10/10.